5 days later...

Since my previous post, I've had 5 days and 2 shifts to improve my skills and my attitude about myself and about my job.  Things have been SO much better since that first day on Monday.  I can now say with some relief, that Monday's shift was a particularly challenging one due to a heavy patient load, and that things will NOT always be like that.  ​

Today I felt like I was in a rhythm, yet able to react to changes in plan, and interruptions in my activities, and still get back on track afterwards.  This seems to be an important skill in nursing.  For example, I go to a patients room, am about to administer a list of 19 oral and IV medications, and I get a text that a patient needs help to the bathroom immediately and that the tech (nursing assistant) is busy.  Or, I finally sit down at the computer to start in on my pile of charting, and I find out that I'm getting an admission, and they are already in their room waiting for my arrival.  The key in these instances, is remembering to go back to what you were doing, whether it's 2 minutes later or 2 hours later.  Getting comfortable with partly completed tasks is difficult, especially where none of them can stay that way.  ​

Best part of my day today?  Meeting up with Jonathan for lunch of course!  How awesome is it that he works in the building?  Granted, 5 minutes into our lunch I got a text that my admission was coming up any minute.  But, it was the nicest 10 minute lunch ever.  Jonathan has also been commuting with me on my day shifts so we actually do see each other, even when I work 12 hour shifts.  These aspects of my job make me so very grateful for it and for our life here in St. Louis.  We couldn't have planned such a simple and sweet existence if we'd tried.  I'm just glad someone did :) ​

On my own...pretending I know what I'm doing...

As a new graduate nurse, there are some wonderful things about being on your own (instead of by the side of a preceptor as I was for the past 8 weeks).  I get to make my own schedule.  I get to take bathroom breaks when I need to and without asking.  I can go to lunch at my leisure.  I can prioritize my patient care based on my own opinion.  Yesterday, my first day "on my own", it seemed that none of the above happened all.  Things started off behind from the beginning, and I just got more and more behind.  I was at work for 14 hours and took a 10 minute lunch break and yes, one measly pee break, likely because I took no substantial water breaks.  My "schedule" was based on what most desperately needed to be done at that moment and what things could wait a bit longer, despite them already being put off due to a crazy day and some very needy and slightly unstable patients.  I was definitely on my own, and it was terrifying.​

When I finally clocked out 90 minutes late, I was just grateful that my husband works one floor up from me and we can meet and drive home together to a late dinner.  ​I slept well and am glad to have two days off before I have to gather my courage and dive in again.  

​Don't mistake me, I love SO many things about this job, and yes, part of it is the challenge of actually mastering it someday.  But, it's humbling to feel like I'm not really being an excellent nurse...yet.  I am trying but I think for now I have to settle for just doing my best and making sure that my patients are safe on my watch.  Excellence will come.

Commencement (the first of many)

​Last Friday, I attended my first commencement as a faculty member. I enjoyed it! It's such a highpoint of the academic year, and of students' experiences, it wouldn't seem right not to be a part of marking this occasion. I'm especially looking forward to future years when some of the students from my lab will be graduating.

​The commencement speaker was Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, NJ. His speech was really excellent. He has my vote for sure! (If we ever move to Newark...).

RN

It's been over two months since I officially started working at Barnes-Jewish Hospital, and I now have exactly two shifts remaining on orientation status.  Yesterday I was back on day shifts for the first time in almost a month and it was a whirlwind of a day and a reminder of how challenging this shift can be on a surgical floor.  I think we admitted 20 surgical patients bringing us almost to capacity (which I think is 50).  Our manager was walking around with chocolate between 5 and 6 pm probably trying to keep young nurses like myself from contemplating quitting.  At times I felt like the "RN" beneath my name stood for "really neglectful".  My preceptor, Alyssa and I started off with five patients and ended up with 7 which is a lot for our floor when you have patients in halo traction, others with spinal precautions, and some who are not exactly "alert and oriented".  There were honestly certain patients I saw maybe four times within my 12 hour shift and that is just not acceptable; not to me or to the nursing profession in general.  And, I'm sure it's not acceptable to those patients.  Thank the Lord for committed patient care technicians who also see these patients and communicate with me about specific needs or changes in their status.  

Despite my utter and complete terror at the prospect of being solely responsible for my patient in less than one week, I also continue to be amazed at how much I've learned and how far I have come.  I sort of try to regularly remind myself of this.  I can now admit a patient in less than an hour (still working on discharging people).  I'm quite the expert on narcotics.  I've managed to at least get my basic skills in vascular access.  I've even placed a couple of tough IVs and complete blood draws with ease.  You might catch me staring at your veins, as Jonathan does at times.  It's just so fascinating...  ;)  And, as I've said to many people lately "I still pinch myself that I really have a job in a nationally ranked hospital on a surgical floor!!"​  Oh, and it's 2 miles from home, in a building attached to Jonathan's building.  Pinch...pinch...yup, it's for real.