As a new graduate nurse, there are some wonderful things about being on your own (instead of by the side of a preceptor as I was for the past 8 weeks). I get to make my own schedule. I get to take bathroom breaks when I need to and without asking. I can go to lunch at my leisure. I can prioritize my patient care based on my own opinion. Yesterday, my first day "on my own", it seemed that none of the above happened all. Things started off behind from the beginning, and I just got more and more behind. I was at work for 14 hours and took a 10 minute lunch break and yes, one measly pee break, likely because I took no substantial water breaks. My "schedule" was based on what most desperately needed to be done at that moment and what things could wait a bit longer, despite them already being put off due to a crazy day and some very needy and slightly unstable patients. I was definitely on my own, and it was terrifying.

When I finally clocked out 90 minutes late, I was just grateful that my husband works one floor up from me and we can meet and drive home together to a late dinner. I slept well and am glad to have two days off before I have to gather my courage and dive in again.

Don't mistake me, I love SO many things about this job, and yes, part of it is the challenge of actually mastering it someday. But, it's humbling to feel like I'm not really being an excellent nurse...yet. I am trying but I think for now I have to settle for just doing my best and making sure that my patients are safe on my watch. Excellence will come.

Hopebench